100% by K

Wake up Tuesday time for Dick's Show
Will it be a gunty shit show?
Or a classic for the ages?
Have to wait and hear the rages

Starting strong with Dick & co-host
Mocking mom who lost her mojo
Find out news is coming up soon
Switch from Libsyn link to Youtube

Who's this news babe in the corner?
She's a cutie I adore her
Modest beauty thin and pretty
A/C's cranked it's getting nippy

So you wanna be a news babe? Well here's a little tidbit
No one cares what you say just show a little tit nip
While Vito's fanboying over pedophiles
Your nipples start growing and THE CHAT GOES WILD!

Don't mask it with your hair hun there ain't no need to hide it
Now you're not the only one who's getting quite excited
You got me going "oOOo don't need huge boOOobs
just wanna be hugging you in an ice-cold roOOom"

Your boobies' peaks look like Boogie's teeth
Chiclets gum I want some give this dude a piece
Can we just get married? Why are you avoiding this?
I could be your Larry and you could be my pointy chick

Canuck shitposter seeking arrangement
Check your freedoms at the border leather purses the payment
No sperm shortage here watch me pump out litres
As we Netflix and chill in my walk-in freezer

You'll be begging "get inside me"
When I take you mountain climbing
Don't need tools with such a nice rack
Use your sharp boobs as an ice axe

My front lawn we're nude sunbathing
'Cause it sure could use aerating
Come inside we'll cook a nice meal
Use your boobs to tenderize veal

Whether you have nice tight lips or saggy ship sinkers
Don't care just get those nips in my fingers
Wear my heart on my suit I've been hurt in the past
So I burned all my chairs now I'm looking to smash

Stacks of chicks massive tits
old news babe just after nips
E-beef? No I rap that's it
Only nipple rubbing I insist on
Are yours in my mouth I'm a pacifist
With passive fists won't flaunt my ass crack and spit
On a chick I'll just buy you new spatulas

I won't huff your poo (unless you ask me too)
Plus I've over 4'9" MASSIVE dude
I won't whisk you away to a drug commune
You won't ever find a loli poster in my room
A mix between Kian and Sean - quite hunky
Never made a sex tape as a suicidal monkey

I'm well-adjusted I make good choices
What? 200 songs about cucks in dumb voices?
Just a little hobby babe I swear don't got the 'tism
It's just laser focus now it's on your nipples wanna lick 'em
100% safe sex let's do it
My bullet proof vest will protect me while we're screwing

From those full metal jackets in your jacket going BLAM BLAM
Hit me in the heart ma'am now I got my damn hand
Working on my hard glans got you breathing heavy like
A pandemic get the hand sanitizer
I'm like Pfizer now you're feeling my effects
Go lay down and have a rest got the chills your nipples wrecked
My leather couch you made a mess bad bitch yeah you're the best
Gotta get this off my chest I keep staring at your breasts
Look at that they're staring back at me baby #feelingblessed

"Two for one? RIP OFF! Damn dude that hurt.
Paid for one tit fuck got two Prince Alberts."

"Met her last Monday took her on a shopping spree
Never came back to suck me off properly"

8 AM met this lady down
at the ATM (for some atm)
Took my 18 grand put it in her hand
Then she switched the plan and that bitch just just ran
It's now 9 pm I'm still waiting ma'am
(You're stupid) did I just get scammed?!?!

I'm a scammer too baby I appreciate the hustle
But no IOUs for you until I get my suckle snuggles

(Sexy boy) I'll meet you at your place
(We need to go in the shower) Sure babe sounds great

Now I'm tapping that ass and I got her coming fast
Cold shower bent over up against the frosted glass
Diamond tips *squeak squeak* those nips cut deep
Break the glass and my fall in a sudsy bloody heap

Still I have to finish oops leaning on her neck
It was only 9 minutes! How can she be dead!?
I'm wearing leather gloves who's gonna believe me?
So I pick up her phone call Christopher Kiwi

(Based on Tom's Diner DNA remix)