Uncle Lou's Got The Electric Knife 2024 Version by Joe Stroffolino

Christmas comes once a year.
It’s a time of happiness and cheer and it’s also the one day that Uncle Lou gets to use his electric knife
He used to work in a butcher shop and all day long there was meat to chop.
But now he’s an accountant and his life is kind of dull in a mind numbing sort of way.

But when it comes time for Uncle Lou to cut the Christmas ham and turkey
he get’s a wild gleam in his eye
He says don’t worry I’m a professional
I know what I am doing
as we all try to get out of his way

Uncle Lou’s got the electric knife
And we’re fearing for his life
That poor turkey had no chance
I think I’m gonna wet my pants
We’re afraid that Santa won’t come
And if he does he’ll turn and run
He’ll take one look Uncle Lou
And his reindeers will be scared too

They say Electric knives have a high injury potential
And losing a finger is very consequential
But Uncle Lou doesn’t seem to care
He’s got the culinary version of a chainsaw in his hand
And he picks it up and he takes command
If he had a hockey mask you’d swear it was Friday the 13th
After a few minutes his job is complete
And then we all sit down to eat
Instead of saying grace we thank God that his fingers have survived for another year

Uncle Lou’s got the electric knife
And we’re fearing for his life
That poor turkey had no chance
I think I’m gonna wet my pants
We’re afraid that Santa won’t come
And if he does he’ll turn and run
He’ll take one look Uncle Lou
And his reindeers will be scared too