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This week, Doug and MerMer remind us to not “should” all over ourselves and then recap the first two sessions with Andrew (the Client has been given a name for the podcast). Session three includes Andrew opening up about traumatic incidents that contributed to the strained relationships with both his brother and mother. Doug introduces some tools to practice changing our perspective, and in turn, our experience using both real-life examples and analogies. Key Takeaways: [3:38] The client has been named Andrew/Drew so we can know him as a person, while still respecting his privacy and confidentiality. [6:24] The epiphanies that Andrew is having are great, and Doug and Meredith remind us that not every session ends with the client having a ton of answers and direction, and that is more than okay. [8:28] Reminder to not “should” all over yourself. We most often are doing the best we can with the tools we have at that moment. [12:02] Session Begins. [12:33] Andrew has been dealing with night terrors for over 15 years and wants to figure out how to focus more on the good instead of the bad. He is practicing throwing in good thoughts with the bad and scary “what if” ones. [18:17] Doug applies the pendulum analogy to Andrew finding the middle ground of achieving, working hard, and relaxing. It’s not always going to be perfectly in balance, but swinging back and forth in a smoother manner would be a great first step to focusing on his well-being. [26:16] Andrew opens up about the night he and his brother were divided on how best to care for their mother. It’s a very pivotal moment for him, and their relationship was never quite the same after that night. He is confused about his role in his brother’s upcoming wedding because of the fractured relationship. [32:06] Doug and Andrew will be working consistently and steadily on his trust issues and fear of abandonment. Doug assures him that this is a normal feeling for the very high stakes of life and death he dealt with in his teenage years. They will also work on identifying support that he can count on, to show him that not everyone leaves him high and dry. [47:39] Session ends. Breakdown begins. [47:51] Meredith and Doug discuss why analogies work so well to create those “aha” moments in sessions. [58:14] In a session the arc can look more like a dip as they cover deep emotional subjects, but a responsible therapist will lift their client up to a baseline emotion by the time the session is over. Contact Us: Mentioned in this episode: Rippling effect: “Rippling refers to the fact that each of us creates – often without our conscious intent or knowledge – concentric circles of influence that may affect others for years, even for generations. That is, the effect we have on other people is in turn passed on to others, much as the ripples in a pond go on and on until they’re no longer visible but continuing at a nano level.” -Irvin Yalom, Staring at the Sun “I think we ripple on into others, just like a stone puts its ripples into a brook. That, for me, too, is a source of comfort. It kind of, in a sense, negates the sense of total oblivion. Some piece of ourselves, not necessarily our consciousness, but some piece of ourselves gets passed on and on and on.” IRVIN YALOM, interview, Wise Counsel