Darling sister sexy thing I’ve covered for you and all of your bling.
Taken the blame for all that you’ve done
Staying at home, whilst you’re out having fun.
I’m now offended by this last stunt of yours
Get out of my life, and never darken my doors.
Steady prissy maiden, don’t get them in a twist
Are you talking of the date? Don’t say that you are pissed.
You are so ungrateful. Did you stay with him all night?
Don’t say you let him slip away. Don’t say you looked a sight.
He’s good and kind and funny, and never takes a drink
You know that I like nasty men, and the champagne glasses clink.
You scheming nasty bint, who the hell do you think I am?
Setting me up with a date, which I know is just a scam.
He looked so old and bald, oh sister, you are weird,
He is very very stout, with a long grey straggly beard.
And he reminded me of grampy. I simply won’t be bought.
Very worst of it was, he was so incredibly short.
I thought that you were desperate
So I set you up with my boss
Won’t be generous again,
I’ve never seen you quite this cross.
I’ve seen your jealous eyes before, when I have another man
We look identical my twin, you can be sexy too
Oh yes, oh yes you can. Oh yes, oh yes you can,
We look identical my twin, you can be sexy too.
He was such a gentle gentleman. The kind I’d love to meet
The sort that is extinct now, but he had such tiny feet.
And as we walked through pavements damp, I couldn’t believe my eyes,
He was leaving a trail of fox paw prints after each and every stride.
He said he buys his shoes in the children’s department. And,
It’s even more embarrassing when he walks along the sand.
I know why you want me, to date this quirky man
It’s to gain you, a promotion. That’s your nasty plan
Instead of me though, oh twin of skimpy clothes
Add him to your bed-post. The one, that everyone knows.
How dare you!! You, who never has a man,
Surely you know I do have, as many as I can.
I thought you’d like a nice one, with ne’er ‘ere, a kink
A good and kind and gentle man, who never takes a drink.
Why would I want a loser? A loser such as him?
He is so very cheery, yet shrinks at the thought of a gym.
I know he’s old and bald, but you’re much more weird than I,
He is so very fat and grey, to be seen with him, I’d just die.
And he does remind me of grampy. This time I won’t be bought.
But the very worst of him is I agree, that he is so incredibly short.
Lyrics Richard Underscore
Music Wim Oudijk
- Emo popfolk classical