[internal office memo]
I always remember playing make believe a lot as a kid growing up.
Mostly, because it was way better than the world around me, heck, it still is some days.
However, now that I'm getting older......
my make believe world has also gotten older and more entertaining so to speak.
Take for example, last week, at our weekly board meeting at SNU HQ.
We decided to expand our existence by creating several much needed departments in order to help handle all the projects, paperwork, blah, blah.......
simply amazing I tell ya.
That is, so to speak, the ability to create non-paying jobs for people in our current economic climate and maintain our value as a successful entity in this high stakes world. Not to mention, streamlining the way we operate and lower annual overhead costs.
Let me tell you... the Front Office was so pleased, that they took the week off and went to some nice place far away from us. We get postcards occasionally from them through random strangers who have crossed paths with them. At least we know they are out there having fun tormenting someone else instead of us.
Fukkin bastards I tell ya.
Well ya know that old saying............
“while the boss is away, the staff will play”
Yep. That's totally us.... oh wait, that's the “make believe” versions of us.
No, seriously, we are all running around as crazy as ever, trying to remember the basics.....
MUSIC, EAT, SLEEP, WORK.
We only got the one down so far... music that is. Eating is a close second and we are hoping to get to that whole sleep thing down sometime in the near future. Work? ha.
I know, I know............ I could be sleeping right now. However that isn't in the current job description.
I have to tell this story about life in the trenches at SNU HQ as part of our “new hire process”.
Help break those FNG's in real proper like, 'nah mean?
So the rant continues direct from this desk, to you, the FNG, in hopes of making you a better ball catcher on this team. I can only imagine that right now you may be rightly asking yourself what is it, that we exactly do here at SNU HQ?
Well to be quite honest, we do a lot of things that make no sense in any given situation.
The only ones that really know what is going is the Front Office, and unfortunately, we are all in the Rear Office. Each of us does little tasks or projects that produce results, that in turn, are all utilized by the Front Office for only they know what.
So let's go over a few rules that you have to adhere to on or off the workplace.
The FIRST RULE at SNU HQ:
Do whatever task or project that is assigned to you like a good little soldier without any questions, comments, concerns, suggestions, or in fact,
ANY deviation at all, from the instructions given to you.
RULE #2: Work as fast as possible to follow rule #1.
NOW RULE #3
(the last rule at SNU HQ).
You must become aware of what it is, tha you do for 60 hours a week, sometimes 70 hours, if it is a good week.
FAILURE TO FOLLOW ANY of the 3 rules will result in your termination, literally.
Remember all those papers you signed earlier while drooling over yer non-existent salary arrangement?Yeah.... about that, well, thanks to your haste, we can legally kill you if you ever fuck up.
Not to mention, SNU HQ owns you, your organs, your first born child, all legal like.
Welcome to the trenches. You are in this for life soldier.
Now go make someone who may, in fact, really care, proud of what they don't know you are doing.
If you have any questions so far, you are already off to a bad start.
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