Refusing to accept how I am. Or how certain things affect me. I am not me, because instead I must conform to your standards. Be the way you want me to be. Say the things you want me to say.
I'm uncomfortable, conflicted, estranged.... smothered.
Most days I feel you're only afraid you'll lose authority over me.
You want control over me so badly, but the tighter you grip the more I will push away.
I've grown tired of trying to be what everyone wants me to be, expects from me, can't you just accept me for what I am? I see that you refuse to acknowledge that I'm not an over affectionate person. And pulling me against my will into your world will only make me more hostile.
I am not your equal because you ignorantly deny me of such. You deny me my introverted personality. You deny me my shy, bashful, modest, nature. You deny everything I am, so that in your denial you can imagine that I am some social butterfly that you wish so badly for me to be. But I do not want that.
Denying that I'm socially awkward, nervous, and a loner. Passing it off as simply contumacious behavior. Or saying things such as, "You'll get over it", "It's just a phase", "You'll like it when you're older". Why, because you say I will? Or because you want me to? Will you force this on me too? Will you force me to like what I don't like, to behave contrary to my personality? Or just to be someone else entirely?
Oh but then... to treat my every word as a lie? As if I would falsify information to serve some unknown purpose? To stroke some non-existent ego? To think I couldn't possibly be knowledgeable about anything, because of my youth? To think I am young and therefore dense? That I am Ignorant or foolish because I'm not learning in a way you understand?
I do not willfully give affection and respect away. You may have earned it one moment and lost it the next. My reactions to you are based on your actions. If I feel even the slightest bit wronged I will become bellicose, contentious, and and even down right bitter. So do not suddenly become so polemical with me just because I'm reacting to you. I. React. To. You. It is human nature to react to one another. Tho we do not all react in the same way. It is our personalities and experiences that dictate how each of us reacts to on another. My experiences have made me who I am. And they rule over how I react to to environmental... and human provocations.
You rant and rave about my disrespect!? That I am wrong for being human? And having feelings and opinions that don't perfectly suit the archetype you've created for me? This is my page, and I will say as I please. You carry on about disrespect yet you come to me, to my domain, and lecture me? You disrespect my very personality everyday, yet I hold it all in. In silence I will walk away. In silence I will write and I will draw until the day comes that you understand that I am not what you want me to be!
So now I only ask that you accept all of me, or none of me.