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Franz Pfeiffer couldn’t swim. Especially not now. But that’s not what surprised the wiry young man responsible for watching over the Festhaus’ home-brewed concoctions in the big warehouse portion of the building behind the tasting room proper. No, what caught him off-guard was the fact that Franz Pfeiffer, the young polka musician heading up the Müeller Mashers (an incredibly famous polka troupe known to get a crowd turnt at beer crawls the region over) was floating, facedown, in the fermenter.
“Well, THAT’S a huge waste,” said the employee, perhaps muttering more about the lost ale (ahem, MONEY) than the lost life of the high-stockinged yodeler. He shuffled off to call the police.
DETECTIVES, I would wish you a Happy Halloween, but it seems we’ve been caught somewhere on the far side of a trick, and that’s no treat…..ok, ok, I know, enough with the puns.
This mission finds us in the small town of Böhmton, a little place with a BIG Germanic history. We’ve arrived during the height of the town’s annual festival to commemorate its rich history of brewing highly-sought-after adult beverages, shaping mightily large strudels, and the music of its people: polka.
The festivities have come to an abrupt halt, however, as a local brewery employee found the most famous polka player in town dead within one of the large vats of would-be beer at the most famous and centralized beer house in the historical part of town, Das Festhaus. Needless to say, with the music and beer stopped indefinitely, partiers found themselves, well, party-LESS, and everyone is trying to find out what caused this horrific turn of events. (I mean, strudels are AMAZING, but who could build an entire pub-crawl around pastry alone? Hmmm…I could, but that’s neither here nor there…anyway…)
While we gather more information, here’s the shortlist of what we DO know:
Franz was in his traditional Germanic garb for the festival, including lederhosen…his pointed felt hat, complete with feather in the band, was floating limply next to him in the vat at the time of his discovery.
He had one of his suspenders wrapped around his throat.
Just above the calf of his left leg was a tear in the tights, with what seem like sharp tooth marks causing the separation.
An accordion was lying near the vat with an apparent rip or tear in the bellows. Taped to the accordion was a small scrap of cardboard with the words “For Ina” inscribed on it.
The body bore the marks of strangulation, blunt force trauma to the head, and a coroner’s report showed that his lungs were absolutely full to the brim of beer he’d been found in.
That’s all for now, but we’ll have more asap. Stay tuned, Detectives.