Into the Fairground walks a new character, looking to sell his wares. Inspired by GUN SONG from the musical ASSASSINS, music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, book by John Weidman.
A gun gets you attention, on that we can agree,
And a Deringer was de rigueur in 1863,
But there's a century of progress! Technology to try,
And everybody's got the right to buy.
So buy from me.
The girl of your dreams called you creepy, you say?
Women can have such a nerve!
And your coworker told everyone that you're gay?
Then maybe a shotgun will serve.
Once you've plotted their reckoning day,
Use one side for the slug, one side for the spray.
Since it's double-barreled, you'll blow them away,
There's no need to aim straight or true!
You know what I figure? The only thing bigger
Than one little trigger is two!
Or maybe you're hoping to shoot from the hip?
You're looking for small and discrete.
Yes, to take out a target then give them the slip,
You'll need to be light on your feet.
A rifle is slow to assemble and strip,
Not so with a Colt and a fiberglass grip!
You're ready to go at the zip of a clip!
I'll give you my own guarantee:
The only thing sweeter than some old repeater's
A nine millimeter, tax free!
The men in the mines are Brazilian.
The men in the mills are Chinese.
The machine's automated, but don't be afraid!
The bullets are always American made.
Oh, I see you want an unrivaled machine.
You have so many demons to slay.
If you don't care about getting in or out clean,
I'm holding a special today.
You shouldn't stoop to an AR-15
With a single round limit and small magazine.
Here's an M-27 from a fallen Marine.
I may have pulled a few strings.
Benelli, Beretta, or Heckler & Koch,
Winchester, Remington, Ruger or Glock,
It's only a taste of what I have in stock,
So think of the changes you'll bring!
Now all you have to do is
Bend your little finger,
Then just let it linger...