Ryedour 10 Anemone Of The People by Maeve Griffith published on 2022-03-14T18:18:43Z Remember that Coppertone girl? Back in the day, Coppertone suntan lotion ads used to sport an illustration of a young child recreating at the beach. Unfortunately some goons also brought their ferocious cocker spaniel to terrorize the surf scene. This spaniel always sought to maul the child but, her last line of defense, always protected her, namely her bikini bottom. It would be nice to say she perpetually remained unscathed, but between the diminutive wolf biting and stretching her swimsuit and the sun’s death rays scorching her skin, this playful holiday at the beach would soon surrender to a surreal, sandy psychotic scenario. It’s easy to glance at this ad and muse about how much times have changed - semi clad children and ferocious cocker spaniels would not pass the test today. Most Americans are more vigilant when it comes to child exploitation . While militant cocker spaniel defenders seem to be constantly chanting “BLAME THE DEED AND NOT THE BREED.” But, this ad also makes me ponder prodigiously about such weird things like skin cancer, and how our man-made global warming is seriously baking this planet faster than a shrinky dink. Along these lines, ultimately one has to ask… Whatever happened to Hydrox Cookies? With a mouth-watering name like “Hydrox,” it is hard for me to comprehend that they are no more. Often touted as the thinking man’s Oreo, Hydrox was arguably a better cookie. They never went down the Double-Stuff path, nor did they pander to the cocktail crowd, refraining from pleas that oft requested a more boozy, tongue-blistering sandwich cookie. A precursor to the Trumpian equine suppository, hydroxacholorquin, that many conservatives repeatedly and pleasurably violated themselves with under the guise that they were just trying to ward off Covid19, Hydrox cookies curative powers could speak for themselves, or as DROX the animated robot sea urchin mascot used to say - Tilt your mullet and slide me down your gullet - IT’S COOKIE TIME! Come to think of it Drox may not have been an urchin but an anemone. Whatever he was, Hydrox cookies were an enemy of the munchies. And it’s about time too. My brother Joe was always the first to urge caution when moving floor lamps and he oft quoted the ancient maxim that a light isn’t a light until you turn it on and take off your blindfold and your shoes. Sometimes, he would say deep things like that. So, it only makes sense. This is Jen Ryedour reminding you to eat a cookie, pet a dog and keep your pants on. It won’t get any easier or anymore delicious. The Jen Ryedour Tower of Sourdough Flour is brought to wherever quality clam dip is offered in fashionable Fiestaware.
