FREE SWIM - The Slingshot Maneouvre In Apollo 13 by Free Swim

David:

"A competition was held, whereby a guitar was suspended in space, and competitors were to fire themselves (or be fired) into space, fly past the guitar, strumming a cosmic chord as they passed.

They would then, by means of the slingshot maneouvre, shoot around the moon and return to earth.

Whoever strummed the best chord would win a prize. What was NOT allowed was to start in space - you had to be fired from the surface of the Earth, and thence into space.

So, I was catapulted into space, and, on passing, I strummed the guitar, flew around the moon, and returned.

On my return leg, I noticed a giant cannon, whose tip was already in space, thus being in direct contravention to the rules.

So, I angled my flight to knock the cannon back down, but instead flew down the cannon.

It was then I realised it was a funnel, like the on Billy Whizz’s head (even though it was his hair - when I was 10 I thought it was a funnel).

I flew down the funnel and crashed into his brain, enraging him.

I managed to escape by climbing out through a hair follicle (turns out his hair was trees) before Billy Whizz’s giant head burst forth from it’s entombment in the earth’s crust, and sailed forth into the cosmos, continuing it’s eternal journey across the stars."

Taken from "Lifetime of Treats" out July 25th on Sex Farm Records.

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