My best friend Doug, who has been suffering from Treatment Resistant Depression most of his 47 years, was the inspiration for this song. Genetically, he was dealt a bad hand with the parts of his brain responsible for happiness being severely underdeveloped. His self-worth was crushed as a child due to bullying, and "normal" therapy never worked for him. He has been battling this demon his entire life, and only recently discovered that the root cause is neurological, not psychological.
His depression can get so severe that he underwent brain surgery to implant electrodes into his brain (called Deep Brain Stimulation) that attempt to stimulate the production of serotonin and raise his mood. He has had brief moments of remission where he felt great, but they are fleeting. He continues fighting to this day.
We both now do a podcast on mental illness and mental health, called Unhinged (www.unhingedpodcast.com), where we discuss his progress, the ups and downs, and work on removing the negative stigma surrounding mental illness.
This song is a tribute to his fight.
For those interested, I recorded this on my Surface Book laptop using Mixcraft Pro Studio 7, a Paul Reed Smith SE Custom guitar, various synth plugins controlled by a Roland A700 MIDI controller, and my voice (on an Audio Technica ATR 2100 microphone).
Your dark and lonely journey passes day by day
Your hidden pain is real no matter what they say
There is no blame, it's not your fault you were born this way
Ooooooh, there is no shame
Scattered about are islands of hope. Too few. Too fleeting.
Preparing the knife or the rope, oddly concerned about bleeding
The plan, never complete, be it fear or bravery
But you still march on, under the demon's slavery
Your battle with the devil leaves you singed
Fighting alone, you become unhinged
A lone warrior, bloody and scarred
Slowly sinking, burned and charred
Help me, I'm burning
Save me, I'm yearning
The world is silent, but I hear screaming
My thoughts are violent, I hope I'm dreaming
So now you're learning how to live your life
Your brain is churning with ideas, not strife
It's been so long, the curtain's up, you can see the sun
but you can't give in, don't stop cuz your work's not done