That day I told you I love you.
It was a day that held no significance for us. I didn’t even know you, really. In fact, was it said in passing? While laughing? I think so, yeah… After a self-deprecating joke you made about your life as a comedian. Sarcastic. We know that.
And your songs. Your songs about me and you, about us being different. Or maybe, us being different from each other. Even though it’s not like my name is in a lyric or anything. I’m not even an unnamed body. ‘Cause they’re just songs. But I’m just lettin’ you know I know what’s there. Cheap symbolism? Or maybe it’s more like subtle storytelling. Impressive. Expected, though. Lyrics about/along/around how you can’t tell what’s more upsetting to people when we walk together, whether we’re two boys or that I’m Asian and you’re Black.
People in Bridgeport, they don’t seem to appreciate love that’s so political. Even if we don’t mean it. That’s the power in it, is you can just show it, present it to these white folk, and they just get so upset. Even though it wasn’t that sort of love. It was more a superficial connection than anything loving. But what really makes a connection superficial? Is it ever?
or is it always?
You been working on your next mixtape, it’s gonna be big this time. Real big. Like that cock you call your ego. Or was it the other way around? Or, you just sing it, and it’s both. Your musky voice, so round and nurturing, so harshly grown. And yet you haven’t really grown into it yourself. You let it speak for you, cliche enough.
It was that sarcastic gesture in your voice that beckoned me to you in the first place. Like a good drop of honey, rounded off with rust. And it tastes oh so much like when your lips are kissed with your breath. Do I miss it?
Only the approximation.
At Millennium Park, while you were watching the tourists take pictures at the Bean.
Just by yourself.
And me, too.
I recognized you from that party we went to the first month into sophomore year. We were crossed enough to laugh about how we couldn’t believe we hadn’t met each other sooner. I said hi to you, while you were staring off at the two girls in their Uggs, trying to get the right selfie. We both needed friends.
It was an accident, when I said I love you.
And, well, we never really had any sex, remember?
Yeah, even I forgot. It’s because it was in the middle of all this giggling. This anxiety.
Only recently did I remember that I said that to you. I hope you’ve forgotten it at this point. Actually, you probably didn’t have it to remember in the first place.
I’m gonna come to the next show. I’m excited to see you, even if you’re only opening for Lester. He’s been telling everyone you’re the one to watch out for. It’ll be nice, to be crossed again together.
to befriend again,
because it’s been a minute,
shake hands and smile
at the pleasant surprise of a physical intimacy
a superficial connection at best
and it’ll be nice
and to laugh again, too.