(05/05 - Mount Pheasant II - Dying Not Dying) The deadly disastrous denouement is upon Dick Pheasant in Mount Eidel, as the 'Project Cure' benefit night at Falconhorst Chemical begins. DJ Sammy is here. Niklas Van Falconhorst is poised. Cottle Fardell is ready. Time for Dick to take centre stage...
(Shameless Hagan's van revs up)
Ponkin: You and me Hagan. I’m right behind ya.
(Gates, van, beeps)
Ponkin: And now I have you.
DJ Sammy: Ladies and Gentlemen! Mr Dick Pheasant in da house!
Dick: Thank yaow, thank yaow. Thanks DJ Sammy. Hey, how are ya! Haven’t seen you in a while! Thanks, thanks, thanks… Settle down lads, come on. It’s only a speech. Now, now, shhh! C’mon. Eh… Dearly loved one and all, we are gathered here today to- suck some money from yis! But it’s for a good cause. It’s Project Cure! The largest provider of donated medical supplies and equipment to developing countries around the world! Wonderful people, good people, lovely. But first, I think I should let yis in on a little secret here at Falconhorst Chemcial-
Niklas: Ja ja! Richard Pheasant everyone! Ja! Ja! Richard Pheasant-
Dick: Wait, what, I haven’t finished!
Niklas: Ja! You are great. And because of this, we have a surprise for you! Take it away Mr Cottle Fardell from Eidel Radio!
DJ Sammy: Cottle Fardel in da house! Woop woop!
Cottle: Eh, thanks.
Dick: What’s this?
Cottle: Dick, Dick Pheasant. Tonight, is your life.
Dick: What the fuck-
Cottle: Tonight Dick Pheasant, is your night, we honour you as Mount Eidel’s, our, very own first, and hopefully only ever, AIDS victim and fighter!
Ponkin: Shameless? Here puss puss. Hidin’ in among the forklifts are ya?
Ponkin: Oh, it’s Egritte! They’re even at it in here.
Egritte: Oh please Shameless, I need it, give it to me, just give it to me! I want it!
Ponkin: Fuckin’ bitch!
Egritte: Oh my! Ponkin! Darling! Over here! I was just-
Ponkin: Give me that bucket!
Egritte: No, that’s mine! Ponkin! Come back! Where are running off to? He’s been acting very strangely these last few days Shameless you know. He must be so upset about Dick. We all are. I have to go and get him! Ponkin! Ponkin!
Payter: When I first heard Dick Pheasant had the AIDS, I was glad. As I’m riddled too. He would be my friend.
Dick: What are ya doin’ to me Cottle?
Cottle: We love you Dick.
Dick: I’m going to fuckin- turn that fuckin’ thing off!
Ponkin: Sorry Dick, here’s your card, oh, did I miss the start?
Dick: You knew about this too? What’s wrong with everyone? I-I-
Egritte: Oh Ponkin, there you are!
Ponkin: Stay away from me Egritte! It’s over!
Egritte: What are you talking about?
Ponkin: Here, you want some of this? Huh? Huh?
Egritte: Oh. My. Careful with that knife Ponkin. What are you doing?
Ponkin: Here, take this!
Ponkin: You wanted the cream, there’s your cream! All over you for all to see!
Egritte: Aagh! Oh….
Dick: Y’s all think I’m a queer?! Because of Lionel? He fuckin’ died and youse think he had the AIDS? That I caught it off him as I worked for him? And youse all- And you Cottle!
Ponkin: And me.
Dick: Even you Ponkin?
Egritte: Oh I love it Ponkin!
Egritte: Oh Ponkin, it’s Iodine!
Dick: And that fuckin’ reminds me, give me that microphone Cottle! Cottle! ...
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