(01/05 - Mental Holmes I - Jim The Slipper). Time to travel to Cork, Ireland in 1922 and meet a mysterious momentarily naked man clutching a wooden lunchbox to his ear. There’s been a murder and attorney-at-law Tomathy Wilson fancies his detection delectation to identify the perpetrator and sow it all up. Until he sees the aforementioned man with a wooden lunchbox wearing Tomathy's best suit (just stolen off his washing line), at the scene of the crime!
From hereon in, things begin to unwittingly unravel by a variety of clues left by Stanton Pulvertuft, Eleanora Wilson, Mr. Tash at 'Ladies Underclothing', Seamus Byrnie and Mrs Brindle in The Cork Mental Reservation. So, come hither ye eared masses, 'til we enter the world of the 'Gerbil' and fling open the doors of 'Mental Holmes'.
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Holmes: Akskskshh. Bad brains! Bad brains! Fuck yis. Ah look it, the knees are tore off us. Can’t go more. Stop it. No.
(Hinge of bread basket opens)
The Gerbil: But we must. Tick tock! We have work to do!
Holmes: Akskshsh! Sure look at me! I’m in the rags and only the dirt to keep me warm!
The Gerbil: Shut up!
Holmes: But, but, it’s been a quaren long time. They might be
The Gerbil: I’m sure ‘they’ are not.
Holmes: How do you know sure?
The Gerbil Trust us.
Holmes: But, yis don’t know where we are and what we’re
supposed to be doin’!
The Gerbil: We do. Concentrate! Or we forget things…
Holmes: Hah? Am... I... Madden the Head? Is that what you’re sayin’? Am I mad in the head or what?
The Gerbil: Just move!
Holmes: Ah curse a god on it!
(Hinge of bread basket closes) (Starts running)
Holmes: Ooh! Looka! There be some houses down there. If yis leave the forest yis may be seen, but sure
If yis stay here; forest’ll ate us with the worms in me head n’ all. Gone! Here no more! Ah fuck it! Come on so! Follow me!
(Jumps over a fence)
Holmes: Right, careful now you. Like an adder in the glades… Ooh! Man-clothes on a washin’ line. That be ours now thanks, heheh fuck yis. Boots! And a coat too! Hah? Who leaves boots on the back porch…Yis’d be stupid to do that, sure they’d be stolen! Heheh, they’ll fit lovely too and no bother… Akskskskskhh! Quick you! Don’t be an eegit! Put them on and let’s get goin’, are, are, are yis mad in the head or what?? Come on! Jump over the fence will yis!!!
(Jumps over a fence)
Holmes: Come on! Around here… this way…
Policeman: Excuse me sir.
Holmes: Aah! Policemanses. How’d he get there?! Ah that’s it so, the games gone… Bad brains! Raise up the hands, no! no! Keep the hands in the pockets… slowly now… smile, smile at the nice policemanses so he may - not - bate - us.
Policeman: Sir? Sir?
Holmes: Hands - in - the - pockets…
Policeman: Sir? Can you hear me?
Holmes: Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Very fuckin’ sorry. Didn’t know what was goin’ on and I just ran… ran away. That’s all. I swear! Oooh, what’s this now (fiddles in pocket)...
Policeman: What is your name sir?"
Listen on and delve aurally into a world of disorientation. Mental Holmes I. Amplevoicepod. Original high-definition, full foley comedy drama.