Born half-man, half angry bassline, The Colonel is the deranged musical alter-ego of not-particularly-mild-mannered Ipswich boy Lucian O’Neill. After a childhood spent twanging instruments; and my teens spent buying records ranging from funk to reggae to jungle and garage and somehow trying to mash them together, at age 18 I happily found myself in Sheffield, the city of the bassline.

In 2005 I set up my military bunker deep inside the seven hills (cleverly disguised as an ordinary terraced house) and began a series of sinister experiments resulting in the creation of my own tunes. The first of these, 2007’s “Ruckus”, became a firm favourite on the local scene, and was featured on Toddla T’s “Ghettoblaster” mixtape. A string of bangers has followed ever since, getting support on 1xtra, Radio 1, KISS FM and on the international club scene. You can hear some of em here.

As one of them southern types, UK garage is spliced into my DNA, but my own music attempts to reflect all my influences – funk, jazz, soul, house, hip-hop, reggae, broken beat, and a dash of good ol knees-up-Muvva-Brown British silliness. Whether or not that comes across, or it actually just sounds like wibbly bass and squelchy noises, what I really want is simply to make you dance. And maybe laugh a bit too. If it doesn’t make you want to do any of that, well, then we’re buggered aren’t we?

I am also a qualified, time-served industrial abseiler. That means that if you want to book me to DJ at your office party, twenty stories up, I will probably be able to do it from the outside of the building, suspended on a rope. And maybe I’ll clean the windows while I'm there. But that'll cost extra.

In addition, I’m an obsessive perfectionist about tea, an enthusiastic (but badly co-ordinated) footballer, a big fan of fancy dress and a veteran party animal. And often a driver of shit, old cars.

The Colonel will personally come and smash your party to bits, should you request this service. Now let's get fucking CRUNK!