Stats for this track
In 3 Groups
Draft 1—9/14/2003. ACID.
Draft 2—5/30/2005. ACID. Tweaked in ACID 4/2/2006 and 3/5/2010.
Draft 2.3—9/27/2012. ACID.
I think this started with a Siggy Baldursson loop and a bass line, sat in the computer for a couple month until I was ready to finish a draft.
The poem is nothing but unkind words to a former lover, some of them first appearing on a drawing in 1995. Her behavior to me has not always been the best and I have reasons for anger but she’s not a bad person.…The references are to The Naming and a sonnet called Remorse.
To you I give the power of the naming
and the finality of remorse.
My gratitude is a dead twig,
its bark peeling off in dry husks
to reveal the consumptive action
of the smaller lives that end us all.
You have given me a week of hope,
a day of happiness, a minute of bliss,
and years to curse my ignorance
and my paralyzed, nascent love.
Astrologers lie to collect money
from the satisfied customer—who returns.
They wouldn’t tell you of the evil star in Virgo
that filled you with its radiant libations,
pouring through your arteries the tireless misery
that leads you from birth to death.
It once drenched you in flammable guilt,
then burned your youth to a course ash.
It contorted your beauty to a restrained mask,
showing reticence of each: joy, trust and acceptance.
It filled your womb, then stole your child,
giving him up to the father as your punishment
for the sins of rebellion and self-preservation.
It has always pushed love beyond your reach.
And, now, it fills you with rapacious disease,
not satisfied with the goodness of your soul,
it devours the rudimentary goodness of your flesh.
They lied when they said nothing of this star.
I lied when I said I was your friend,
that I felt no pain or anger for the turbulence
of your life entering and eating into mine.
I lied so you’d hold me a little longer,
and because I could not accept the truth
of my inner wisdom, that recognized your star.
I lied because I didn’t know what else to say.
And because I wanted to look good,
like I could forget who you are,
like I could rise up above personal injury
to be magnanimous, even kind.
But, I’m not, I can’t, and I lied.