22,000 years from now - Planet X, or what we now know as Mars...

For eons the legends had foretold of a warrior that would wield an axe of unimaginable power and save the planet from the sentient beings from another world, possibly even of another dimension.
"BEHOLD" The sage had shouted, as it carried for miles every plant and living creature turned to the following proclamation.
"The ever powerful empire has enslaved the unsuspecting public using various forms of mind control." Since they could no longer hear the wizard's speech they continued as if nothing monolithic was about to occur.
The wizard then raised his staff and illuminated the surrounding walls hieroglyphs, a light came down from the heavens, it struck his amulate that which was in the shape of the shocker, the 3 fingers shot lasers at the walls, and it highlighted the text moving along as the wizard began to read:
"The de-evolution of man kind shalt one day plague the earth like swarms locust. Though he of which whom shall inherit this responsibility, he is that of which whom shall create to pervade the world's true destiny and retard the retardation to prevent it's total destruction."
-The wizard tapped the wall and alas the ground shook with an earthquake and a roar of a collision of granite and basalt arising from a hole separating as the iron-rich dirt crumbled beneath. From it had rose a large stone monolith.
"Green Manalishi!" The wizard yelled at the top of his lungs, again his voice carried far across the vast landscape, through tall mountains and dense forest, all had turned to look for the source of this incantation!
"Fuck Yeah Priest!" exclaimed a scruffy middle aged man as he rolled down the window of his Ford F-150.
The shocker amulate shook rapidly again, this time it had shone a powerful green laser, it began to engrave intricate markings of musical notations and descriptions in broken English with a lot of slang.
"This, young master, is the key to saving your world" said the wizard.
What is this?" I asked
"Well you see, this stone has been unmarked for many millennia, the amulate of excellence has engraved the musical laws founded in the center of the universe are now inscribed onto this monolith."
The sage began to cough madly as though he had taken a huge hit from a bong filled with turpentine.
"What you're reading is a projecatory of the universal mind." He was dying.
"When you gaze into the realm of the stone you become one with the stone, and thus you are the stone, and upon relinquishing the power embedded within, this stone will show you knowledge of old and new, that which you must use to ward the extinction of decent music and ultimately man kind. You shall achieve this through..." He cleared his throat and belted:
"A SPACE-TIME RIPP!"