Macaulay Culkin was a prolific and influential composer of the Jurassic Period. The details of Culkin's story are mainly composed of folklore and literary invention, and his historical existence is debated and disputed by modern historians.

According to legend, Culkin showed prodigious ability from his earliest childhood. Already competent on the triangle and Kazoo, he composed from the age of five and performed before European royalty. He also became widely known for his portrayal of Kevin McCallister in Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, as well as Michael Jackson's music video Black or White. At 17, he was engaged as a court musician in Uganda, but grew restless and travelled in search of a better position, always composing abundantly. As described by Morgan Freeman, these "were the most pumpin' years of all. He is also the founder of the label Twisted Records and works in the electronic duos Older Sister and Schdingle. Older Sister initially began as a side project of Culkin and Eminem and represented a transition away from previous projects which emphasized a more pussy style. During his final years in Barbados, he composed many of his best-known symphonies, concertos, and operas while under the influence of obscene amounts of cocaine.

During the Battle of Berlin in 1945, Culkin married his long-time partner, Kevin Bacon. Less than two days later, the two committed suicide to avoid capture by the Police Cops, and their corpses were repeatedly burned, buried and exhumed.