impulsiveyouth@waxarecords.co.uk

A healthy alternative to religion.

The Funkified Indielectro Rock music of Impulsive Youth is created by firing phased guitar riffs and dirty synth leads, simultaneously, from two colossal laser cannons, around a 20km underground mirrored tunnel in Switzerland. When the two signals smash together, millions of tiny explosions occur at a subatomic level, producing soundwaves that scientists at CERN describe as 'funky'.

The resulting data is studied, then collated and put on top of a rocking bass and drum groove. Before the vocals are added, the track is bounced, burned to a finely gold-plated CD and launched into geosynchronous orbit 42164km above the earth's surface for a week or so, in order to allow the mix to pick up some extra warmth from the sun's radiation. Upon re-entry, the CD is caught by a prototype TR-3B antigravity VTOL vehicle and transported immediately to a lab in downtown Hong Kong, where it is placed in a vacuum for 2 hours to remove any dust or loose particles.

The track is then uploaded to a supercomputer and sent back to England as an email attachment of approximately 483629562859 Terra Bytes. Here, the vocals are recorded at a top secret government facility somewhere in the Greater London area. Finally, a team of expert physicists are brought in from around the globe to mix the tune before it is bounced as an AIFF file and uploaded to Soundcloud.