This is the place to store and share sneezes (and other sneaky sounds), safely, healthfully and sneakily. Simply upload your sneeze with a few seconds of silence on either side (no background sound). Then wait like a lion in the Savannah, casually wandering disguised behind whispering grasses if perchance to come upon a wildebeast.
Here are three uses to get you started:
1. The ExFm Sneezintermission
Embed your sneeze in your blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Your sneeze will come up in the ExFm player that collects songs (or SNEEZES) embedded in web pages. People will hear the silence and think the music has ended, but then their computer will sneeze at them.
2. Sneaky Sofa Sneeze
Set your sneeze as an alarm sound on your phone, then hide your phone behind a pillow. Don't sit in front of the pillow, that would defeat the purpose.
3. SoundCloud Dashboard Sneezy Surprise:
When your unsuspecting followers listen to the newest tracks on their dashboards, your sneeze will play in between music tracks. TIP: Name your sneeze something that doesn't make it sound like it's secretly a sneeze -- like "Purple Rain dubstep remix". On second thought, you don't want to disappoint your followers, so stick to something nondescript.
Your questions DESTROYED by answers:
Q: How will I know if anyone heard my sneeze?
A: You'll know in your heart. Alternatively, if you have SoundCloud Pro, you'll get stats on your plays. Actually, maybe you get stats with the free version, too. We don't know, sorry. Sorry, we know about sneezes, but not very much about these really sort of detailed questions that you're asking us. We really can't help you with that question. Sorry we're not married to SoundCloud's marketing department. We regret to inform you that you will have to look elsewhere on that one.
Q: What if I want to fart instead of sneeze?
A: That is disgusting and immature
Q: What if I want to make another sneaky sound that's not disgusting and immature?
A: Like what?
Q: Maybe inhaling helium and recording, "I'm stuck...I'm stuck...Ahhh stuck in this MacBook... I'm so small and so shrunken. How did this happen to me? Ohhhhh nooooooo," then putting it through some filters so it sounds really far away
A: Hmm...maybe
Bonus tip:
Download the SoundCloud app so you can be sure to be ready with your finger on the record button when you feel a sneeze coming on. If you're not a frequent sneezer, you could try smelling some pepper or looking directly into the sun for a second, however generally this isn't a good idea.
