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The details of his life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do we begin? His father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. His mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. His father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

Greenie's childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring he'd make meat helmets. When he was insolent, heI was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds -- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, Greenie received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved his testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking -- Greenie highly suggests you try it.

Greenie (The Elements)   Jason Greenie, Denver, United States

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